Phone Home

A month had passed since the tragic terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. A part of all of us was still covered in gray dust. We did not have to be there to have our sight and mind blurred. We thought we were proceeding normally and then a word from a survivor would open us up one more time and the tears poured. I had heard that producing tears actually creates a pain reliever for the brain. I'm not sure of the technical term but I knew the need for relief from pain was great.

What was the lesson there? That's my number one question. When it came to an answer, I could go in many directions. It could be :

Even the mighty are susceptible to attack from someone willing to pay the ultimate price
The tremendous need to learn to live peacefully in a diverse world
The brave children and spouses are mentoring to all of us on how to live with loss
The joy of living every day to the fullest
Remember to let your loved ones know how you feel about them
If we stop our normal life, we are the ones who end up with a cave life
The girl scouts have talked about it for years ... be prepared

The interviews of children affected me the most. They were being called "the Children of September." These young people were learning way too early about loss. At the same time, their lives would probably be lived with much more intention than most. The wonder of normal family life will probably be something that they long for. What an important life lesson that is to the rest of the population. Truly we need to savor the every day event.

One girl, around 10 or 11, said what she wished for was for her dad to walk in the door at the end of the day and catch her as she ran to him. This has nothing to do with income, address, or privilege. The rest of us go through this day after day without always recognizing the magic in the moment.

A 16 year old boy spoke of his love for his dad. His dad had called from the burning building on his cell phone to say how much he loved the family. For days they kept calling the cell phone to try to reach him in the rubble. All they got was his recorded voice asking them to leave a message. The widow kept the cell phone in service even after the rescue turned into recovery. The 16 year old son said he ended each day by phoning his dad's cell phone, listening to his voice and talking about life, loss, love, and anything else he wanted to share. Talking, talking, talking. It takes a lot of talking to open up the emotions for healing. This wise mother was helping her family find one more way to open up. We are all a little like ET. We all need to "phone home." There are times when I find myself saying something to my deceased parents. Even something like, "Oh mom, I wish that you were here today to share the family picnic." I never thought of it as phoning home until I heard the young boy speak of his dad's cell phone and, yet, it is the same thing. You do it too, don't you?

Another of the Children of September said he felt that the lesson that he had learned was the freedom that we have in America is not free. It comes at a price. It has always been paid for by the people who put their lives on the line. People who, over the past 200 years, have made the sacrifices needed to live in freedom. Most of us alive today have not lived with sacrifice, but are now thinking about it.

Life lessons are only meaningful if they change our future behavior for the better. I decided to phone home often. By this I mean not just remembering the ties from the past. I mean phoning the homes of my children, grandchildren, other relatives and friends to keep the lines of love and connection open. What would you want them to know if there was a chance that you would not get to speak to them again? Write it down, record it, speak it .... just be sure your personal stories get preserved.

For a related Article, see 09-11-01