Victor, Viper, Vulture

Over 25 years ago I decided to attend the Self Esteem Conference in Ohio. What actually attracted me was the opportunity to be in a relatively small group with Steven Covey for several days. I had learned so much from Dr. Covey already. While there, I had a chance to meet and learn from Gail Dousa who was president of the National Self Esteem Council at that time. Gail was a teacher by training and a teacher of at-risk high school students by choice. Her class was their last chance to get a diploma and she was determined to see it happen. Feeling that the words they heard and spoke were a key to their situations, she used Victor, Viper, Vulture to make some changes for her students. On the first day of class she explained how this class activity worked.

VICTOR: When someone does something good, give them the V for victory sign with the first two fingers on their hand. Gail said this did not happen very often, especially at the beginning.

VIPER: When someone said anything that was a putdown to someone in the class or not, the others could hold out their hand and wiggle their first two fingers like a snake's tongue. While doing so, they would also hiss. They really got into this one. In fact Gail said she could be at the black board, hear someone say a putdown, put her hand behind her back and hisssss.

VULTURE: Vulture was similar to viper but was used when someone put themselves down. You know vultures tear at meat just like people sometime tear at themselves. In fact most of us would not allow others to say to us the lines we say to ourselves. The sign for vulture was the first two fingers bent down like claws and used in a tearing motion with a tearing sound.

As the days moved along there were many a viper sign and a hiss. In fact the students liked it best and started using it for both kinds of putdowns. Gail said she would see people start a putdown and stop in mid sentence. The students took it to the lunch room and Gail took it to the faculty room. Some of the students even took Victor, Viper, Vulture home and started it in the family. As fewer putdowns became part of their world, they started to feel better about each other and themselves.

 I ask you this, do you think what Gail does is more important than play games in class? Yes, it certainly is. And I also believe many of us will have times when we catch ourselves, even in jest, spilling out putdowns. Even in jest, a putdown is a putdown and putdowns hurt. If you catch yourself, give yourself a viper sign and watch your tongue.