Whose Voice Do You Hear?

One night at the movies a line took my breath away. Sometimes it seems that out of an entire book or movie, one particular line is the gem that makes it all worthwhile. The movie was "Always" with Richard Dreyfus and Holly Hunter. It is about pilots who drop water or flame retardant on forest fires. It is one of those films where the star dies but cannot go on to heaven until he goes back to accomplish a certain job. When Richard Dreyfus crashes his plane while trying to get a drop into a difficult location, he wakes up walking in a forest and he sees Audrey Hepburn sitting on a stump dressed in white. Audrey, the angel, tells him he must go back and whisper into the ears of the people in his life. He is to change the the directions of their lives. She also points out that they will not see him or hear his voice. Now he is confused. The angel goes on to say, "Once you get the hang of it, it's like they hear you in their mind!"

I sat back in my theater seat and thought...."Who do I hear in my mind...?" I hear my Dad who taught me to love history and geography. He was top in the 8th grade but that was all the school he had because he was big enough to help run the farm with his folks. I remember my Mom who said be the person you want others to be. Make a difference wherever you are. I remember my Grandma who told me, "You never pay for your raising until you raise your own!" I also treasure the lessons I learned from a passionate choir director in high school who told all of us, "if you can't do something with passion, then don't waste the time!" I also remember Vangy who taught me how to sell products and train and manage a team. She said, "I've been watching you and you have everything you need to go as far as possible in this company!" The important thing I remember is that words may be spoken once but they are usually reheard over and over again in our minds for years. And this is true of hurtful words as well as uplifting ones.

Now to the most important question of all. Who hears you? Yes, who do you speak to and do you want them to relive the moment and the message for a long time? Think of the people you are mentoring on the job. What can you say to them that will change the direction of their life for the better when they listen to it over and over again? Maybe you can tell them where you see them being someday and what qualities they possess that will get them there.

When it comes to your loved ones, this is an even more important life lesson. On 9-11 phone calls from the World Trade Center allowed messages of final words of love and support. And the families will treasure and replay them in heads and hearts forever.

Babies are born believing that they can do anything.  They enter this world like clear crystal  vessels and as they grow some children get supportive feedback from their family. They meet the world as if they can still do anything they set their minds to.  Others get spoken to in less than supportive ways. Things like, "Shame on you!" or "Bad boy." or "Can't you do anything right?" With each negative statement, it is like someone pouring dark thick syrup into clear water.  By the time they are grown the crystal vessel is more like a jar full of sludge. Rather than meeting the world with bright eyes and a confident smile, it is so easy to find them greeting the world with little confidence and sometimes just waiting for the next putdown. Thinking of these examples can make a difference in the way babies are treated.

This all comes back to being purposeful in all that we do. A favorite example to me is, "Knowing that what you do is more important than what you do". My first child who draws the pen and ink drawings for my poems, had colic as a baby. He would cry for what seemed like hours. In fact when Jay was about 2-3 weeks old, I called my mother in Tacoma and said, "Mamma, I don't think he likes me! He doesn't like anything I do." She said, "He loves you, but he is not comfortable yet, so just hold him and rock him while telling him how much you love him." (She also showed up the next weekend!) Jay and I worked it out and have been close ever since.

Now think about this example, do you think holding and rocking Jay was more important than simply putting a baby to bed. You bet it was. Doctors tell us babies who do not have this grow up waiting for someone to hold them, love them and help them feel valued. Sometimes that can have risks as we age. Hug your kids and tell everyone you know what greatness you see in them. You won't be sorry!