Mamma

Mamma Back Story - What Mamma Said

I wrote the poem and shared it at a "Seniors for Christ Banquet" on May 20, 1982 where my mom, Mable Rue Trotter, was honored as Senior Citizen of the Year.

Mable was born in Sioux Falls SD on October 17th to Annie and Adolph Rue. Adolph was a blacksmith and horse shoer.  All of Mable's grandparents had come from Norway.  More about that later, but for now I want to give you a sample of the things she taught me.

Most of us have people in our lives who mold us and shape us.  I feel like mamma molded me in more ways than one.  First of all I have her body shape, her hands, even the shape of her legs.  And when I went to her church people would say, "I'd know you were Mable's daughter, even if you weren't with her."   But the most important shaping was not physical.

As a young mother, I was concerned about when the kids became teenagers.  One day, I asked what she had done that had made me not want to disappoint either parent.  She looked into my eyes and said, "As soon as you kids were old enough to understand what I said, I wanted to be sure you knew what our family values were."  She went on to say, "Once they get to be teenagers, it is too late to start teaching.  You can't be with them all the time and you have to trust that they know what is right and what is wrong."

As a child my mom lived next door to a family who had a large hedge and they were very secretive.  In the evenings, that family would take walks and often would come home with scooters or bikes.  Then the father would be busy painting what they brought home.  Within a few days, the kids would have new toys to play with or toys to sell.  A stream of items went through that garage.  As a child, sometimes my mom would peek through the hedge.  Her family talked to her about this family and the heritage of theft in the family.  We discussed it, too.  Mamma was passing on our family's heritage of honesty and fairness.

Education was another value in the family.  Daddy had been one of the brightest kid in the 8th grade at his rural school in South Dakota and the problem was he was needed to work the farm with his Dad.  He could do the work of another man.  There were three young siblings still on the farm who were not ready to do that kind of work.  Besides, to go to high school would have meant boarding in town and the family did not have the money for that either.  It was out of the question.  Since mamma grew up in town and lived near Augustana College, she had a chance to live at home while earning a teaching degree.  Not a lot of women were going to college in 1929.  She taught for 2 years in a rural one room school: teaching, cleaning, carrying wood for the wood stove and caring for horses that some kids rode.  When she married daddy, she lost her teaching certificate, because during the depression, a married woman could not have a job a man might want.  So then she moved onto the farm leased by daddy's folks, Ma and Dad Trotter and helped Ma with chores, canning, gardening, etc.

Mamma had gone to college when not a lot of women had the opportunity to do so.  In 1949, she and daddy purchased the first house of their own in Tacoma.  The decision to move there rather than to Olympia was that there were 2 four year colleges in the Tacoma area.  I met Norm while attending the University of Puget Sound.  My brother got out of the army and started attending the University of Puget Sound as well the following year.  All 3 of our children went to college and my brother's 3 daughters did as well.  

This did not just happen.  It was all part of my parent's plan. In fact, when our oldest son was about 5, I used to take care of a neighbor's daughter, Tina, who was a joy to have around. One day my dad was there and he asked Jay if he thought he might marry Tina someday.  Jay thought about that for a minute and then using every ounce of 5 year old wisdom he could muster said, "I'm not sure - she may not go to the same college I do!"  Jay did eventually meet his wife, Nan, at college and now his daughter is in her 3rd year at the very same school.  Our daughter, Jodi, has two sons.  One is out of school and working, their other son is about 6 months from graduation.  Mom and Dad's plan is still functioning!

For most of my childhood, mamma was one of the only moms I knew who drove a car.  We only had one car so daddy car pooled to work with others so they could share the car's use.  Mamma felt women had to be independent as well as part of a loyal twosome. Daddy would not let me drive while I was in high school so mamma would, after work, drive me to numerous night meetings and events.  She felt being involved and being a leader was important.  Even when daddy would grumble about it, she drove me anyway. It always felt like an unspoken belief in me and my gifts.  Where would I be today without her support and encouragement?

From the time I was 11 until I was 20 growing up in Tacoma, mamma worked as a social worker for the state.  She helped a lot of people get through bad times and helped them find a better life.  She cared about the people she helped and her belief that truly "all people are created equally" has been an important part of who I grew up to be as a person.  As each year passes, I see how much mom and I are still very much alike.  The chance to care for her for 6 years after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease was a mixture of sadness for her condition and joy for who she still was inside.  The little ones seemed to know that as well.  Jodi's boys were very young when we moved into mamma's house to take care of her after she was first diagnosed.  When the boys would come into the house, Sean, the oldest, would run through the house to find where mamma was sitting or laying.  Then he would lay his head down on her chest and just love on her.  Sean could remember when she still had a sparkle in her eyes.  Travis had not know her much before but he watched his big brother and then he too would lay his head on her chest.  As you might imagine, she soaked it all up!

Last but not least, I must tell you about mamma's sex education talk.  I'll never forget it.  The most memorable words she said were that SEX WAS MUCH TOO SPECIAL AND WONDERFUL TO WASTE IN THE BACK SEAT OF A CAR OR WITH SOME GUY I WASN'T MARRIED TO.  Mamma felt that your virginity was a gift for the man you marry.  It had always been obvious that she and daddy were still crazy about each other and even at 12 years of age I was thinking......"I think they may still be loving it......even at THEIR AGE".

WAY TO GO, MAMMA!